“THE TRUTH” week one by Dominique

When you consider everything you are supposed to be as a Christian, you soon realize it is almost impossible not to feel anxious or self-conscious about who you are.

Growing up in church was indeed the foundation for my entire life, and I loved it, but once I got older and realized the expectations put on me to be a perfect “Proverbs 31 woman,” the anxiety started to kick in, and I put myself on lockdown. I was afraid to do anything new, meet new people, or, God forbid, think anything different from what I was taught. Trying to be perfect and live how other women said utterly took over my life and sooner rather than later created a deep depression inside of me.

I can’t even begin to explain the number of things I felt I had to do or couldn’t do. Being married at a super young age was my main objective, and when it didn’t happen right away, like with all my friends, I felt I had no purpose and completely felt lost. I was discontent because I thought my goal wasn’t going to be fulfilled, and I wanted it so badly. This was the expectation that has indeed caused me to feel confused and judged. People constantly ask and pry when I am getting married, and if I am honest, I want to right now, but that isn’t what God has, and I hate that people think they know when is the right time over God. Sometimes I don’t know what to say if people ask from my childhood that grew up with the same beliefs and values. When non-Christian people ask, their response is entirely different, “oh, you are so young, wait a while”. The difference in advice and points of view makes me laugh and wonder why they don’ care as much, but my Christian influences do when they constantly say, “All in God’s timing,” Do you see why I am confused?

The asking I can deal with but the comments, well, I have heard it all. “Well, he doesn’t love you, or if he wanted to be with you, he would be right now,” My personal favorite, “so what are you doing right now then if you aren’t married?” just confirming my only purpose is marriage lol.

This is has been my most significant truth partly because It’s something that Christian women are supposed to do that I don’t think will ever entirely leave my mindset; however, because this isn’t God’s intention for me right now, I have had to work so hard to erase a lifetime of people telling me that is my only purpose and now find out the one God wants for me right now.

It’s challenging to rethink what you have been taught, and if I am honest, it has caused many issues in my relationship. It’s forced me to be comfortable with standard ways of thinking, not be so pushy and obsessed with marriage, try and find goals for myself and work towards things that all sound routine to some but to a Christian girl…. well, you know what I am talking about. I think learning to think differently isn’t something I have mastered AT ALL and something I’ll never master but remember that no one else knows what is best for me more than God has been a great place to start in my journey.

Published by ~Dom~

A born and raised New Yorker, I come from fields, falls, and familiarization. You may have heard the term “close but yet so far” growing up in western New York, I can honestly say I have experienced a life near the city lights but not “in it”. My writing style consists of anything and everything that my mind whips up, meaning I’m a powerhouse of ideas and intuition. I am currently working towards and master's in journalism and eventually will grace the covers and pages of every major magazine and newsletter. I hope to become a great writer who stands for excellence, reliability, and intrigue.

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